what does it all mean? The meaning of Puppet Master

I painted this picture a few months ago and had no idea what it meant or where it came from. It just sort of evolved (which is the fun, surprising part). But this morning as I was getting Tucker ready for school, I kept looking at it, and suddenly realized what it all meant. 

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I kept looking at the wedding ring. It was something I added at the last minute and it was this mystery to me, like, who is this character married too? And why are those people dangling from his arm?

It finally dawned on me that the "Puppet Master", who  I referred to the guy with the red arm, is my husband, Jeff and the 3 characters he is supporting (they are not dangling after all) are me, dillon and tucker.

 Jeff is very very strong (physically), so the red, bold arm, represents his strength. There was a time, in our past where Jeff's priorities where not so much about our relationship, but rather other things. He's always been a steadfast and great father, but in all honesty, I secretly felt he was a better father than husband. Over time as we have both grown and changed, he has matured. As we talk about our past, I bluntly summed up feelings by telling him, "you squandered that time in our relationship". he did not disagree.

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Now a days, his priorities have shifted. it is less about the party and friends and more about taking care of us. He is learning that taking care of us  also means emotionally too. Committing emotionally to being a better partner, father and person. (i think we all do that as we age anyway....) I gave up trying to help Jeff with his emotional demons. I stopped playing police woman and trying to control things in him that were beyond my control. When I let go of  feeling responsible for his well being, I changed as well. My mantra became, "I can not make you happy". I can only support you, but you have to do the rest. He has become extremely supportive of my art journey. I couldn't ask for better support and the freedom it allows me to "just be myself".

He often says that his new role is all about supporting and taking care of his family. So in the picture, his strong arm is gently supporting us the best way he can. 

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The pink character standing behind Jeff represents me again.  It shows that I'm the serious one and he's the joker (note his smirk and my very serious expression). I have a degree in psych and would quietly stand behind him and understand his behaviors, all the while knowing that I couldn't do much about them. I have always been the voice of reason and patient.

the cute little dude standing on the house is Dillon. He is pure joy and that he brought a lot of love back into our lives after Tucker's injury  He anchors our relationship. He is beyond precious to us. 

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 and lastly, my house. my rock - my source of stability and sanctuary. While I am not a religious, church going person, I am spiritual and hold many beliefs and have a particular fondness for religious iconic imagery that you can find all over the house. growing up in the military, I moved around so much, that often felt there wasn't a lot of stability in the sense of feeling like i belonged somewhere or had an attachment to one spot. I lived as an invisible person since there wasn't much time to get to know people before moving again. I've lived in this house since 1995, a long time for me. While living in NJ isn't my first choice, I love my house, my property and what I have achieved here. Jeff wants to move, always looking for utopia, which, in my opinion, doesn't exist. Utopia to me, is here in my own home, surrounded by my art and love of life. 

fondly,

kecia

Sometimes

Sometimes as you live your life and do what you have to do, you tend to think of yourself as alone in your hardships. Today on facebook i posted a link about Catherine Graves who wrote a book about being a caregiver for her husband. the title of the article was "Wife slips into madness as husband dies of brain tumor". after posting the link, I added the comment, "i can so relate to this story".

a very sweet facebook friend commented back to me with this:

"Every day when I read your posts and see your photos I have the utmost admiration for you. Your creativity and talent are even more inspiring considering your role as a caregiver and mother. The fact you have any energy to do anything other than that is astounding. My background is in Community Service caring for people who are aged or disabled. Unlike you, at the end of my shift I could sign off and go home so I acknowledge that you, being a mother and carer of a young man with high needs, are doing an incredible job. I know it's not the same as having practical support but you have many friends on Facebook who are cheering you on. I hope our collective energy helps in some way. Your love and dedication to your family does not go unnoticed and whilst we are all amazed by your art we are blown away by your strength and fortitude, your caring and selflessness. You're never alone xxx"

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I have to tell you, I was quite surprised to read something so incredibly sensitive and understanding to the day to day of my life. It was if she glimpsed inside my soul and saw what lays hidden there (the pain, the grief, the fear, the uncertainty, the stress, the sorrow- all of it).

I truly am grateful that she took the time to tell me that. It meant the world to me.

see you tomorrow

don't forget! join us tomorrow and share your finds from the flea market, yard sale, thrift or antique store.

do you ever feel like this?

i absolutley ADORE this picture. it was forwarded to me by my mom who got it from a friend and so on and so on. what i love most about this photo is the dogs face - in particular, his eyes. his eyes are saying, "ugh - i hate this. sharing sucks". i showed this picture to jane and her daughter, claudia, this weekend - and i said, "there's some life lessons to be learned from this photo". i feel the doggie is doing what he feels is the right thing to do - sharing his food; even though he really doesn't want to. sometimes we do things because we know it is the right thing to do, but inside, secretly, we don't really want to do it. but that's okay, don't you think? that is what makes us kind and gentle. putting others before ourselves - and in the end though, it usually ends up in our favor. (i think they call that, karma).