an open letter to you

i penned you a note today:

Dear Art Friends,

"This is the year of being brave". It is time to jump in and explore. Forget the expectation, forget
being perfect and forget doubting every move that you make. Stop caring so much about the end result and see what happens! Freedom to explore, freedom to create and the freedom to trust yourself more. In the end, I believe you will find the process more enjoyable.

In inspiration,

kecia

be sure and stop by on Sunday as i will be the spotlight artist for Artful Gathering's blog hop!

it's hard to let go...........

There's so many feelings I want to blog about, but often time I find it hard to discuss my feelings on my blog. Feelings are touchy. Feelings can be "too much information" to others. Feelings make others seem needy. I am a strong woman and it is hard for me to share my feelings. They often remain hidden beneath the facade of strength.PAIN is not an easy thing to share. I am the one that people rely on for strength and answers. It can be tiring. However, sometimes, worrying about appearing needy to others is exactly what is needed. Readers need to know that I am human. I am not perfect, nor is my life. So I will share with you, that Tucker has been quite sick.

It's allergy season again and once again, he was hit hard. He's been sick for almost 2 months. Continuous coughing, non stop. It's hard enough beforehand, but to now watch him go through this. The only thing i can do is hold him and give him drugs. I hate it. It tears my heart apart and makes me feel like i cannot breathe. finally, lab results show several nasty bacteria's residing deep within in his lungs. A different antibiotic (shockingly expensive) is introduced to fight the bacteria. We are starting to see him getting better. But i live in terror of that cough.........

I haven't done a whole lot of art during this time. When Tucker is sick, I feel paralyzed. It is all i can do to get out of bed and face it. To finally have an answer that it is a bacteria, versus it's "allergies" was almost a relief. All I can tell you, is that it is agonizing to watch my child go through this. I weep for him and I weep for my family, as we all suffer. I will never be whole....... I often feel after we've gone through an illness with him, that I have been through war. I don't mean to offend, I'm just alluding to the symptoms of post traumatic stress syndrome. it can be debilitating and isolating. It makes me want to climb into bed and sleep for several years.

While at the same time that this is going on, I've also been fighting my sadness that my beloved Dillon will be going off to school next year. I'm not much of a religious person, but i am spiritual. I believe that someone "up there" when choosing my 2nd baby, said, "pick out a good one for this family, they're going to need him". And I was sent Dillon. I can't say enough about him. He is the sweetest person ever. Kind, considerate and amazing. I've appreciated every second of my time spent with him and it is hard to think of him not being here. He is the glue that binds my sanity together. I'm not sure anyone really gets it, how hard it will be on me. He is the one that i got to do all that i missed with tucker. We are close. But I also know that I have raised him to be a good man and that he will be fine. He will not miss me as much as I miss him. It is the way of the world when you are a parent. I will adjust and i will take it day by day.

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If you haven't been following along lately, I've been chronicling 2 separate robin's nest. One is on my front porch (Thelma's nest) and one is one the back porch (Louise's nest). I share this photo journal approach because I've been given this gift of watching these babies arrive. Watching them grow. Documenting their life. I've been given the gift of watching them leave the nest and understand that it is what they will do. There are no choices. Appreciate the in between and make the best of it. There is no going back. I can be sad for yesterday or I can wait to see what happens tomorrow.

I hope you will enjoy:

Thelma laid 3 eggs. I left for the beach and was gone a week. I think the eggs hatched the day before i got back home. So every day when momma would fly off I would try and take a picture of them. They grow so fast. Yesterday they fledged. I could tell the day before, by the way they way were teetering on the edge of the nest, like they feared nothing, that they would be gone in the morning. I took kashie out at 5:45am and they were there. By 7:45am, they had flown the coop.

I took these two photos on "pre fledge" day. You can see how big they have gotten. They are ready to go.

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I've watched robins fledged before, so I knew to grab my camera and go outside and "listen". they make a certain little sound as they call out to their momma
"I am here, momma, come and feed me. I still need you".

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testing my wings. I will grow no matter what. I am ready to go; although i still need you.

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waiting.....................

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Reflecting:
I will be fine. You have guided me and given me the tools to fly. I am ready.

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So now let's jump over to nest two. Louise. She is a few weeks behind Thelma. She laid 3 eggs. Only one of them hatched. She knew that two of them weren't viable. Another hard "fact of life". This baby will be special.

this last shot was taken today. The sweetest photograph I have ever taken. It brings tears to my eyes. Is it because her one surviving baby is so precious? Mom and Dad are fiercely protective of baby. I don't blame them.

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As I wind up my story, a new chapter begins. I discovered a cardinal nest today. The elusive cardinal nest. I have never seen one, nor the eggs. I am beyond excited.

to be continued.......................

refections from the pool of pain - a note to a friend

today i was blog reading and was reading a blog post of a friend who is a 6 year cancer survivor. she shared many things with us, but most importantly, she shared what she has learned through the process. I am not a cancer survivor, but a survivor of what i like to refer to as "a life altering experience", so i could relate.

I wanted to leave her a little comment on her blog in response and before you know it, i had written a little essay. I have to say, it was so heartfully written (is that a real word?) that i decided to share what i wrote with you. for all of you that has had to overcome pain and obstacles, this is for you as well.

There are some of us that cross the road during times of devastation. We looked both ways and we walked across. We have to handle a lot, maintain a sense of self, be brave, handle fear and more. Where is that road crossing? it crossed over into a different realm of this life, where we now view the world from a survivor's perspective. We shrug off trivialities (in the form of drama, gossip, meanness, etc). We know to appreciate the little things. We are observant to others pain and quick to observe who needs a little encouragement. Very importantly, we are too aware of the fragility of our existence. We've made a conscience decision to surrender any sort of control over this random blur of time, we call life. When we make it to the other side of the road, we have gained much wisdom. It's like passing a test - there are only a few who have achieved such a high grade. A+ to you my friend,

cheers,
kecia