grieving

i've been spending my time quietly missing my sweet doggie. i sure do not like being sad. but i certainly realize it is all part of the grieving process. we had her cremated yesterday as the ground is just too frozen to dig through right now. can't say i enjoyed that whole process very much even though the facility was very nice. i guess it's just more finality.

when i am sad, i like to write haiku's in my journal. so i wrote a few to help capture my memories of kirby:

i see you waiting
you watching as i make your food
barking, so happy

i watch you outside
walking around, taking your stroll
find a stick to chew

you lay there sunning
wriggling around the grass
paws rubbing your nose

i see your eyes close
you drifted away peacefully
yet my heart is broken

sitting there watching
you see the world through your eyes
a bark to join in

cute button black nose
mouth full of crooked teeth
suggestive of a smile

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i've also been doing some therapeutic "fun" art. art just for me; not to sell, not to submit and not to fill orders. just no pressure, fun, fulfilling art. been altering a pair of jeans to wear in vegas, i think they are looking pretty cool.


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laying low

i'm feeling a little sad, so if i'm quiet in the next week, you'll know why. kirby, our sweet little golden retriever was just diagnosed with lymphoma. i can't say i'm shocked and with her age, it's to be expected. kirby is the sweetest, kindest dog. she loves everyone and always wants to be right in the middle of all the kids, just like she is one of them. i call her "the ambassador". i don't want to say goodbye to her yet; guess i thought she'd live forever.

Quiet despair

I'm feeling a little sad tonight. Tucker's not feeling well and you know how much that bothers me. It's a helpless, anxious and horrible worry feeling. I hate it when he's ill, it makes sad and angry at the same time. I took this photo of a water fountain in San Diego at a garden nursery. The way the water splashed onto her face, made it looked like she was crying. Thought is was a good visual to describe my feelings.

kind words...

the universe must be thinking of me since (and i haven't admitted this), but i 've been feeling a little down. i'm having sad pangs of my younger son, Dillon, getting older. he's 15 and seems so grown up. he's at that age where he has a girlfriend, wants to be with his friends ALL the time and seems to relate more to his dad (being a male and all)- so it is kind of tough on me. i've been having to learn to let go, which has been hard. given the differences between tuck and dillon, all that i missed with tucker, i threw into dillon. the whole thought of my children getting older makes me sad. i miss those little guys. so to have to sit by the sidelines is a new experience. i keep thinking how fast it is all going. he'll be a sophmore next year and then pretty soon it is off to college! but any way, i digress.

i was referring to the universe because today i recevied this nice award from terri ventura. yesterday i received an RAK from fellow charmsters, Laurel. it was a little birdie and she thought of me. i will add it with my other charms that i get from the bird charm swap i am hosting with the charmsters. i am waiting for a few more charms and then i can start sorting them. and then on saturday i received some earrings from Amy Hanna. I met Amy at that Artnest retreat where she was teaching us how to take our treasures and turn them into jewelery. she definitely got me started in my new jewelry direction (although my first piece was quite challenging and took FOREVER to create). anyway, when Amy was getting ready to teach, she was overwhelmed by all the eager students who wanted to buy her jewelry. things got really hectic and i could tell that she needed a little help. so i jumped in and helped out where i could. i've been in those situations before and i just thought, she needs some help! she emailed me after i let her know they had arrived and said the sweetest thing to me:

Keesha, I am glad you recieved your earrings. I just wanted to thank you again for being such a sweet heart and helping me. You have a beautiful spirit and I just wanted you to know that I noticed it. I hope our paths cross again in the future. May god bless you and your family!! love,amy

wasnt' that nice? i really took it to heart that she would tell me something so kind. it is nice to be appreciated like that. here is a picture of my lovely earrings. i will be passing on the award to Kim, Cindy, Zhulia, Jan, Joanne, Michelle and Sandra