Remembrance

I don't know about you, but I still have a hard time looking at photos or hearing about the victims from 9/11. It was a horrible tragedy for America- unspeakable; an event that left our country shell shocked. I'll admit that 9/11 was a catalyst for me to experience major post traumatic stress (PTSD). the characteristics that followed the event (uncertainty, fear, terror, sorrow, sadness, shock, disbelief), were all feelings that i associated with Tucker's initial brain injury. So to be plunged into those feelings unexpectedly like that, was, a little difficult for me. I remember having this constant sense of fear in both events. it is very difficult to be whole and be in the "present" when this sense of doom is sitting on your shoulder. With the 10 year anniversary tomorrow, images, videos and more are on the news, on the internet and all around us.

I watched one video, a video about Mark Bingham, a passenger on flt 93 that crashed in Pennsylvania and i listened to messages that his mom left for him on his cellphone after she realized what was happening. it was powerful and it was harrowing. My stomach was in knots and all i could think about was, that could have easily been my son on that plane. The loss is insurmountable. it makes me catch my breath and then I realize it is the same feeling of loss I have with Tucker; it's suffocating.

that is all i can watch. I can't view any more photos or listen to the news. I can't handle the feelings - they are too powerful and too consuming.

Today though, I made an effort to see an exhibit in Ocean Grove. We happen to be riding bikes there today and then I read something about it at a pit stop and I said, we have to go back. I have to see this and take photos.

It was beautiful and I love the gesture. I love the representation and I love that others took the time to do it. I didn't linger long, as again, its just too raw for me. But the power in that gesture, amazed me. 2,978 pairs of shoes sit in observance.

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